It’s no secret in the blogging community that many of us want to go to Blogher. It’s a huge conference that brings together offline people we have been meeting and talking to online. There are sessions focusing on blogging as a business, writing, blog photography and many more. When it was announced after last year’s Blogher that 2010 would take place in New York, I wrote about my interest.
After a lot of consideration and looking at our summer calendar – which includes plans like a family vacation to Niagara, Toronto, visiting family in Windsor and Thunder Bay (which requires flying) plus the added stress of leaving the kids, I decided it wasn’t meant to be and passed while tickets were available.
Shortly after they sold out, my parents found out their plans to move back home. That meant no travelling to Thunder Bay, no flying on points, money saved and days freed up. My thoughts turned back to Blogher.
After entering the Mabels Labels contest, I held some hope and while I didn’t win that trip, I still thought that I wanted to go so I added myself to the waiting list. A ticket became available to me.
So there it was. Sitting in my inbox. My way to Blogher.
I already know the obvious: It will be sooo much fun, lots of networking, great learning, promotion for my site etc. But my stomach tied itself in knots. My heart pounded. Something wasn’t right.
The cost became more reasonable because I could use points to fly and the hotel rate (for downtown New York!) was quite good. So if that wasn’t stopping me, what was?
Me. Leaving.
Yes, my son will be nearly 4 and the baby will be over 18 months. But as of now she is still nursing, until I’m not sure when – and I don’t want it to be because I leave. And my husband is more than capable of taking care of them and would have help since my parents are around now. But the fact is, that nights are still tricky with them and while she is independant in a way, she is definitely a mama’s girl.
I discussed it with my husband (who was the one who told me to go on the waiting list in the first place) and he didn’t want to lean one way or another, insisting that while difficult they’d make it work. But I was still hesitant. The fact is that while I tell myself that THEY aren’t ready to be away from ME, it’s the other way around. I’m not ready. And my trip would be less exciting if I was anxious, stressed and sad for a good part. Once there, I would be quite busy, I know that. But I also know me and how stressed a situation like that might make me.
It’s not a decision I take lightly. And I have the rest of the day to change my mind but this is my reality. I know it’s the right decision. Yes, Blogher and I would be a great fit – I have no doubt of that. And I can’t wait to meet in person so many people, many of you that I’ve had the chance to meet online.
And I already hear it from some, that they would be fine if I left (yes, I know that) and that they are old enough (sure, maybe) and yes, many many others will be missing their kids too – but this won’t be my last opportunity. I may sulk a little watching all the tweets that weekend but I’ll get over it (and I will be going to Blissdom in Toronto!)
Next year, I will be going to Blogher. At least now I have the excitement of waiting for the location announcement.
If you are going to New York, have a blast. Have a drink and a laugh for me. Tweet me to say hi and know that I’m there in spirit, but home is where I need to be right now. For me.
I too was conflicted about going. I didn’t buy tickets when I had the chance and now it’s sold out and wondering if I made a mistake.
But my instincts are usually right so I will trust them. There is always next year!
Maria, that’s it – we have to trust our gut sometimes. Even when it pushes us in a direction that we wish it wouldn’t 😉
I think it’s always best to follow your heart. Either decision would have been fine for your children, but the best decision is the one that is best for you.
Lovely post!
I can totally relate, Rebecca. I was one not ready to leave my kids when they were small – BlogHer will be my first time away and my daughter will be over 2 1/2 by then. She only weaned last fall, and I was never comfortable leaving her while we were still nursing. I missed lots of events, weddings, parties and girls weekends – but I never regret a single moment as I have the rest of my life to fill in those other unimportant things. Kids come first 🙂
Glad I’m not alone 😉 have fun this year and I’ll see you at next year’s event – now I’m kind of excited to see where it is 😉
There are other (albeit much smaller) events here in Ottawa, too. Have you read about Lynn/Turtlehead’s BOLO (Blog Out Loud Ottawa). Were you there last year and I’ve just forgotten?
My youngest is the same age as yours, still nursing, still tricky at night… I wouldn’t be able to leave him yet either.
Amy, I couldn’t go to BOLO last year just because the babe was a bit too small and frequently nursing – this year I defn am!
You made the right decision for you and that’s all that matters!
thanks Stephanie, I think so – and it must be because I’m less anxious thinking about it now
Gah. I shouldn’t have read this post! I am going to BlogHer this year. After over 3 and a half years of me blogging, I am going this year.
My oldest will be 5, my youngest, 2.5. My oldest will be FINE. My youngest… I don’t know. He needs me the most at night, and sometimes, I even get called home from the movies/dinner/friends house if he wakes up at night and I am not there. No one can relax him like I can. So that is my worry, that and flying, leaving my boys for a FUN reason – not business, you know? The guilt I have is sickening. I don’t know how I will sleep the night before I leave, but I’m doing it. I’m only going for two nights. I leave Ottawa on Thursday morning and come back Saturday afternoon. I will be in tears and I will be freaking out but I’m sure once I am there… I will be okay. I hope my husband and parents are okay back home with the boys, I’m sure they will be, but still… ahhh… the worry/guilt. And yes, aside from 2 24 hour trips to Kingston with my girlfriends it’s my first time leaving the kids!
I think it’s always best to follow your heart. Either decision would have been fine for your children, but the best decision is the one that is best for you.
Lovely post!