When we got pregnant with my second child, my daughter, we were thrilled beyond words. Our little guy was not even 18 months, but we were anxious for him to be a big brother. We also knew that it meant my husband could exercise his parental benefits at work.
According to a recent article in Today’s Parent, about 1 in 5 men take some form of parental leave. In Canada, we are allowed 52 weeks of leave, 37 of which can be shared between either parent. Traditionally, mothers take most of this leave. Some businesses even offer a top-up during the parental leave to nearly full salary.
There was no question that my husband would take time off with her birth. We knew that having two would certainly be a change, we wanted my son to transition easily, plus, we just wanted to be together as a family.
But, while many men do take some time off, my husband was in a very unique position. Not only does he work for an employer that tops-up his salary while off, but since I am a stay-at-home mom, I haven’t been collecting hours for Employment Insurance. It quickly became clear to us that we had one option, and it was a great one – he would take all 37 weeks of parental leave. Yup, works out to be almost 9 months.
So, since my daughter was born, it’s been the four of us, each and every day. It’s been an absolute blessing. My children are sweet miracles and are real joys (even on the drive-me-crazy days). I’m also lucky to have a very involved husband who is a fantastic father (and supremely good breakfast chef).
But it’s not as easy as we thought it would be. Before baby came, we thought about how much time we could spend getting errands done and to-do lists completed. Um, nope. Hasn’t worked that way. We have very slowly crossed a few things off the list, but dishes are often in the sink and the floor needs some major sweeping.
In the beginning we had to find a groove between working as a parenting team in decision making and routines during the day, while carving out time for ourselves as a couple and alone time. We had to respect that need for ‘me’ time, and since both of us were on parenting duty all day, we just had to figure out the best way to do that. He started running, I started blogging.
At first, it was like one long weekend – with no end. My son was more than thrilled to play with daddy all day and my husband was as excited. So they did. All day. Everyday. But they had to realize that they couldn’t keep up that pace all the time. My son needed some routine, and my husband needed a bit of a break. It wasn’t long and they both figured that out. We all did.
Now, don’t get me wrong, it was never ‘hard’. It was the easiest and best decision we could make. Laundry is a bit easier to keep on top of, we have travelled and visited family a lot, and we’ve gotten some projects done around the house.
But the best part? We get to spend so much quality time with the kids. We have 2 hour breakfasts and coffee together in the morning. We make plans for the day on the fly, based on weather or whatever grabs us that day. We go for walks with the kids with no start or end time. My husband and I talk all the time about the kids, about our plans, about politics, education – about anything and everything. And we aren’t stressed. There’s no deadlines, no work, nothing hanging over our heads (except for that pesky to-do list). We also get alone time with each child. My son and I can go to his sports class while daddy and baby are together, or my husband takes my son grocery shopping alone.
When he first left work, a lot of people asked if we’d get sick of each other. If we’d kill each other. I think, in some cases, it could cause some additional stress, but not with us. Like I said, once we figured out our groove in the beginning, it’s been fairly smooth sailing. What’s hard is that I really love his company during the day and I loathe the thought of him not being around when his time to return to work comes. (and yes, I know we’re lucky to have had this long with him at home, but it’s hard not to be selfish and admit I want more!)
What we know is that we are very lucky and very happy. My children may not always remember the days when daddy was home with all of us, but my husband and I will. And we are richer for it.
