I like to think that I’m doing a pretty good job with the two kids. Sure, there are times of insanity and frustration (both kids crying, hungry, tired etc. at the same time) and times of confusion (if both fall asleep in the car, how do I bring them in the house considering my ‘in sight at all times’ call rule?*). But overall, I’m pretty proud of how we all get along (no choice though right? 😉
But my glaring inadequacies do shine when one or both are sick at the same time. In the grand scheme of things this has been pretty rare. Neither have been too sick too often thank goodness – knock on wood – but my son has had a week long cold/illness in January and now at the tail end of another, all while she had a cold in January and was having a teething issue at the start of this one.
Naturally, this throws our schedule and happy balance off considerably. Inevitably both want to sleep at the same time – for the babe this means nursing, for my son this means cuddling. It’s a fine balance between getting each of them to sleep at the same time while on me. It usually means I am putting one to sleep while the other has to wait, and not happily.
And while I feel my lap is plenty big enough for both kids, when one is unwilling to share, or in desperate need of cuddles while the other wants to play, I’m once again struggling to find balance.
We all do it. We all have to manage through those times of illness or when they require extra attention. I understand that and quite frankly have been lucky not to have had many illnesses. But it breaks my heart each time I feel I can’t give enough to one or both of them (and by enough I mean time or attention – I don’t feel like they never get enough love, that’s the easy part!)
Do you find this too? Is it just another ‘mommy guilt’ issue we all deal with?
*How have I handle the car situation? It doesn’t happen. I either wait it out or wake my son up to walk in the house while I carry the babe. Silly on one hand but it’s the only way I know how!
Was just discussing this with my husband yesterday. We're in a difficult time right now too, mostly because our youngest is despeartely trying to learn to walk, which means he wants us to help him walk all the time. When I'm alone with the two of them, inevitably the oldest suffers because it's easier to ask him to wait. It's hard for sure, but well what else can you do? You can't be everything to both of them all the time. If it's loves and cuddles they both need, that's tough. If it's every day care, I just try to incorporate the oldest as much as I can. Ask him for help and stuff. And then every once in awhile, I just make him number one and make sure he knows it. I'm hoping it helps balance things out a bit.
The mommy guilt can be SO horrible. I hate when I am torn between the two babies, and unfortunately it has to happen a fair amount, and not just because they are sick but because at this age they are so needy. I just do my best and know that I pile the love on them as much as I can.
I agree, you do your best and make sure they know they are loved. It is hard but sometimes asking the one or the other to wait is a good lesson for them. It isn't easy or fun (even for the adult) but it is important. I remember feeling this way when #2 was born and I feel this way again now that I have #3.
I have been there, in many different ways. It's not fun, really not fun, to be torn in so many different directions. I know that I'm only human and all I can do is my best, but I still feel guilty when I'm not sure that's good enough.
I am just glad that these moments are relatively rare, in the grand scheme of things, and that I so frequently do have back-up. Knowing that it's a short-lived thing does help me get through it a little bit more easily.