Every time a bell rings…

I can’t even begin to wrap my head around the fact that Andy is done chemo.  It’s such a relief and a little daunting.  Our lives for the past 9 weeks have revolved around treatments.  Life stopped on treatment days it seemed.  And now we get a break.

Quick update: Between cycle 1 and cycle 2 it was confirmed that the cancer had spread to his lungs.  It was still Testicular cancer, but with metastasis to his lungs.  While it came as a shock to us in a way, the blood work told us it was brewing somewhere.  That’s why he started chemo.  But still, when you hear the words, you worry.

But cycles progressed.  The second was made easier in that we were more prepared for how the days would be laid out. He got dehydrated during the first so we arranged for home hydration to prevent that from happening.  It was stressful.  Each treatment day was – never knowing how his body would react.  How he’d sleep at night (if he could even), how the kids would be etc.

But cycle 2 came and went and cycle 3 did as well. Perhaps on many levels cycle 3 was the easiest of them all.  Preparedness for one and he was motivated by the sheer fact that it was the LAST one.

The staff at the Ottawa Cancer Centre was amazing.  We never felt stressed while there and when there were some bumps along the way, we felt taken care of.

We have tried our best to weather this storm with a positive attitude because it really does make a difference.  There were some real down, tough days when we were all over-tired, stressed and feeling like we were dealt a tough hand.  But most days we pushed through.

We had mountains of support from friends and family.  Food, cleaning, watching the kids, visits and support.  This kept us going.  The kids, our joys, reminded us that life can be fun and light and silly and that’s how it should be.  And we had each other.  When I was up and he was down, or I was down and he was up – we worked together.

I felt overwhelmed sometimes but never alone.  Never lost.  And quite frankly, rarely afraid.  But while I try to remain focused on the positive (because, frankly, I only have so much energy and don’t want the negative to get it!) this was no easy road.

I wouldn’t wish this on anyone.  Cancer sucks.  Chemo sucks.  It changes your life.  Your schedule.  Your perspective.  It changes you.  It can’t help but do so.  You think about the future more.  You worry more.  You see things differently.  Sometimes for the better, sometimes not.

But there is hope.

On the last day of treatment, there is a bell at the cancer centre to ring.  Andy rang that bell, a sound more joyous than any I’ve heard in recent memory.

It’s the season of belief. And faith. And love.

From one of my favourite movies, they say ‘Every time a bell rings, and angel gets their wings’.

I believe that.

Andy rang that bell.  And our angel that has been with us got his wings.

I believe that because I have to.  And I want to.

To our angel: Thank you.

Merry Christmas