I was recently at a birthday party with my son, with women that I don’t know well. When asked ‘what I did’ I answered simply (and truthfully) that I was at home with the kids.
This isn’t the first time I’ve been asked this question, and proudly answered that I’m a Stay at Home mom when asked what my job is, or if I work outside the home. (My favourite response from a business man at a board meeting I was at when I told him I was at home was ‘that is the best career you will ever have’. It implied a real importance, naturally) Since going on Maternity leave and quitting my job over 4 years ago, I’ve been a stay at home mom.
It’s not something that is surprising, I am constantly meeting more and more stay at home moms (and the online world makes meeting them that much easier) But there’s more to this story (and many others). I’m a stay at home mom, who also works. Paid work.
Wouldn’t that make me a work at home mom? Sure, by definition, it should. But let me explain.
I like taking on the projects and work I have – I’ve been lucky that it’s been flexible and I do most of it in between school drop offs, naps, and in the evenings. Even before I took on paid work, I was busy with blogging or volunteering. But being paid means that I’m once again a professional on paper. Exciting for someone who is kind of building a career on the side (and in a way, unexpectantly earlier than planned).
Working from home isn’t the surprise, it was always in the plans for when the kids were older and I would look to re-enter the work force. But opportunities grew quickly, and slowly I took on a bit of work.
But I’m a stay at home mom first. It’s challenging some days, because when I’m behind on deliverables that I had hoped to get done, all it takes is for nice weather and I grab the kids and go to the park. Or museum. Or day trip. I’m committed to my work, don’t get me wrong, but I need to do it in a way that balances the ‘at home with the kids’ goal I’ve always had (and maintain). Because this income isn’t something my family (luckily) relies on, it also means that if it got to be too much, or there was a problem, I would exit quickly and shift focus.
Such is the struggle of so many moms isn’t it?
There are a lot of women carving out careers, businesses and work while keeping the kids at home. Some share the time with family who watch the kids at times, or part time daycare arrangements. I primarily do my writing and work at night or during school/nap time and when need be I can get some done while they independently play. I have family who can stay with them during meetings etc. (and yes, there is always the guilt about ‘why do anything?’ but even when I was volunteering I had that feeling!)
What does it all mean? I’m proud of the stay at home title. It’s why I haven’t switched to the work at home title. I’m not fully in that yet and can’t quite identify myself that way. Sure, I let the right crowd know my credentials when it suits me and I need to carry a professional banner, but my kids don’t ask to see my business cards.
I’m fascintated by women in mothering roles and entrepreneurism/working lives. We are all trying to balance. The best solution seems to be finding what we are most comfortable with – and to not accept what titles others may give us or worse, the ones we think we should be giving ourselves.
Do we really need a definition? At the end of the day, I think we all have the same goals as moms.
So for now, I’m a stay at home mom working to build future employment. How about you? Can you relate to this?
I would love to work from home. What do you do from home?
I am first and foremost a mother. There is nothing I could do that would ever be more important than that. However, having a job that allows me to be creative helps me to be a better mother for them.
My name is Sharon and I’m a mother who also happens to work.
This post truly resonates with me. I have been a stay at home mom for the last six years, also working part time for a company that allows me to choose my schedule. It is the best of both worlds but being a mom always comes first. Like Sharon working from home lets me be a happy mom, jt gives something back to me so I can give more to my family.
You have described exactly what I feel I am – a stay at home mom who works – the mom part has always come first, sometimes causes stress about the work part that I have also always done, but in the end I am proud that I was able to be there to go to the park or beach on the nice days with the kids and use my skills to work during naps for 9 years now!
This is always such an interesting question to be asked, and truth be told, I haven’t completely sorted my answer. But I typically call myself a work-at-home mom – I’m part-time freelance writer, part-time stay-at-home mom. But in reality I do both full-time – just depends on what day of the week you ask me : ) For me, I had a career before my daughter was born, and it isn’t something I want to give up. And I want to spend precious time with my daughter as well. Tough balance, but worth it I believe.
I love common sense (otherwise known as uncommon or rare sense) and you speak my language. Yes I work from him with a “job” but staying at home with three kids is hard work too! Why do we need to define everything?
What a great post! I have been doing the same since my son was born 3 1/2 years ago.
I had a fabulous career in the corporate world before I had my son, but knew I wouldn’t want to work (outside of the house) once I became a Mom. So, I started my own business a year before he was born and when my maternity leave was up from my corporate job, I never went back.
My son became my world.
I was a stay-at-home-mom and EXTREMELY proud of it! Yet, I had this little business I started that was now getting busier and busier. Next thing I knew I was a stay-at-home-mom who was not able to give her son the attention he needed. As soon as I noticed this happening, I sold the business to put my focus back on my number one priority – my son.
I now still work for my husband in his businesses, but that allows me the flexibility to work when my son is napping or in bed for the night. I have also started helping a family friend to grow his business and if I ever need to go into the office (which is rare) my son comes with me.
Speaking of my son, he has just crawled out of bed this morning, so I must log off…thanks for the great post!
I hear you Rebecca! I have been home for 5 1/2 years now with the kids. I am slowly (really slowly) growing a decorating business and work around everyone else’s schedule to try and make it happen. It’s hard being in both worlds at the same time, without being there 100% of the time, and still being taken seriously. And it gets frustrating seeing others in my business having successes while I take babysteps. But I have to remind myself that it’s about a balance and someday I’ll get there. Thanks for the post. Need to be reminded from time to time.
I have been a stay-at-home mom for 5 years now and it has been the most rewarding, challenging, frustrating, wonderful job I ever had. Highs and lows, I wouldn’t change it for the world to be able to to be the one to nurture my own kids and be there when they need me. I look forward to taking on more work as they get older, but I like that you have stuck to your guns and called yourself a SAHM despite this.
I can TOTALLY relate. I too am a stay at home Mom that works…and I struggle explaning myself when asked the dreaded question “So, what do you do?” Great post.
I’ve been a mom for 14 years, stayed home for about 13 of those years, but always had something going on the side – Pampered Chef, mystery shopping, editing, freelance writing, university courses. My advice – always have something else going on besides the daily household chores and doing fun things with your kids. It’ll pay off when you finally move on to a different chapter of your life …and you will…and you should. And, yes, you’ll always be a mom, no matter what direction you choose to go in.
I usually start working at night when the hubby comes home. I don’t mind staying up late. Besides my best ideas come at night 🙂
I’ve been a SAHM for 5 years and have worked several different jobs along the way. Sometimes my daughter stayed with a friend a couple of mornings a week but for the last couple of years I was working around my kids’ schedules and at night. Late last year I realized that I wasn’t enjoying my work, nor was I enjoying my family. There was just too much stress and not enough fun. So, I took a step back, gave up one of my businesses and have slowed down on some other projects. I’m a stay-at-home-mom first and I forgot that for a little while!!
I shouldn’t be this surprised to discover I’m not the only one feeling like this. I worry sometimes people hesitate to own the SAHM title, as though there should be something ‘more’ to tell but I don’t believe that. The fact that so many of us do additional work or activities is a testament to how moms multitask.
Thanks everyone! Hope to reply more when on the laptop tomorrow
When my oldest son was younger i worked full time.
Than when i had my youngest son i work part time. Less hours than part time students.
So if i look at it i am at home more with my little guy. We thought it was not worth having 2 kids in daycare when my second son was born. To expensive and i wanted to be at home more. But when my youngest goes to school full time than i will have to think of what i will be doing.
Me too!
But what really amazes me about this post is the number of responses of women not only pulling off this working balance, but they also blog! How do we do it? We do it fueled by a passion for it all — the kids, the production of valued work outside of kids, the pay cheque for some of us, and then just the creative outlet blogging provides. We take on more than we need to sometimes, but we love it (generally!) don’t we!?
I am technically a stay at home mom but that title bothers me a little because it isn’t everything. I was at a dinner party with my husband and one of his colleagues asked what I did and when I stalled for a second, my husband’s colleague (and the boss’ wife whose house we were at) jumped in and said there was no shame in being a stay at home mom. It’s the most important job you will ever have and I know that she’s right but I also do a lot more. I’m a writer, a photographer and a university student. Yes, most of my work is done from home or else on campus but I prefer to say that I am a mother who also does a million other things, just like any other mom. I’m not ashamed of being at home, I’m currently wearing my favourite ducky pants and working on a piece of writing I just don’t think we ought to keep pigeonholing people into titles.
As moms I think we have a tendency to get lost in the role and you’ve summed it up quite nicely, you’re a stay at home mom who does a lot more than that.
I am about to join the ranks of stay at home mom. After a difficult return to work after mat leave with my son, we have decided as a family that with our daughter due in June the best thing for all of us is for me to be at home. After learning the hard way with my son, I am really looking forward to switching roles.
Right now I’m definitely a SAHM. To be honest, I’m not sure when/what it will take to transition my thinking to WAHM. My “work”, photography, is as much a job (since I get paid for it), a hobby (since it’s really a joy and a passion), and simply a creative outlet. As much as I give my clients, it FEEDS ME at the same time. And like you, Rebecca, it’s not income we rely on.
Maybe once the kids are all older and I am doing more, I’ll make the transition… in my head as much as anything!
(I guess our life with the foreign service also makes it tricky… If we’re in the Ottawa/Gatineau area for 1-2 years then overseas for 2-3 years, it’s a bit slower growing a business. Someone mentioned baby steps above, and I totally agree with that. The timeline for a SAHMWAW (stay at home mom who also works) is a bit different than someone who is able or chooses to focus more on their biz.)
I’m a bit of everything at the moment! I was a SAHM for 7yrs, then started working PT at a local natural parenting shop (and still do – I can bring my baby to work with me!), and just recently launched a home-based coffee roastery. 😉
What I love is that there are sooo many ways we see ourselves (and multitask)
Stay at home moms
who may also work
or volunteer
or hobby
or blog
or start a biz
or care for extended family etc etc.
Thanks for sharing everyone. We all have different titles at different times in our days, years and lives.
One lesson: We are never alone!
I can totally relate to this! It’s a tricky balance. I think my clients would be shocked if they stumbled across my blog, as a casual reader probably thinks I spend most of my time playing with my daughter and would be surprised to learn I also pretty much work full time. I’m just lucky that my husband and I work together and are able to balance life to avoid daycare.