When I explain to people that I label myself an introvert, I’m usually met with surprise. While it remains true that I am fairly chatty, and talk a lot in person, and do make a point of socializing and networking, it’s actually a very difficult endeavour for me.
I’ve written before openly about my anxieties – my need for perfectionism and the stress it causes, my ‘fraud syndrome’ struggle where suddenly I think most people will assume I’m useless, how I avoid conflict because PLEASE DON’T HATE ME LET ME MAKE YOU HAPPY!
So my nervousness in large groups is kind of all a part of that. It’s quite the bizarre mix because I do recognize that at times I’m quite outgoing.
I force myself outside of my comfort zone. Even when I was younger when I would join a club, or lead an event, these things weren’t super natural for me. I enjoyed them, but they took work.
Last weekend was the Social Capital Conference and as Susan Murphy pointed out on Sunday, many of us seemed to have a conference hangover. Not from traditional reasons, but from the social aspect that the weekend brought. I completely understood what she way saying.
When I am at these events I often step away to make the family call. Some would say I don’t need to check in, they are fine, and I know that. Of course they are fine. But when I get overwhelmed it’s Andy’s voice I turn to. When I’m on the phone, no one will disturb me and I can have a few minutes alone to chat, or it’s a good excuse to go to my hotel room for a break.
What many people might call cliques at these conferences, I call a few people who I am most comfortable with and who are my support team. When you see me always sitting with the same person, that’s not because I don’t like anyone else, that’s because I crave consistency when at group events. The small intimate dinner I attend isn’t meant to exclude people but to give myself a chance to recover from larger crowds.
Again, this doesn’t mean I’m not enjoying myself. Far from it. But over the years I have developed ways to recognize when too much is too much at conferences and large events.
My tips for fellow introverts heading to conferences this year?
Firstly, you won’t be alone. There are many of us who feel the same way.
Secondly, it’s ok to take your alone time. You don’t have to go to every party or every dinner. Those moments alone will rejuvenate you for the busy times in the conference when you will need it.
Thirdly, be yourself and have a good time. What I’ve discovered is that most people are very friendly at these events and if you want to introduce yourself to someone, do it. There’s no right or wrong way to experiences conferences so long as you are giving yourself the chance to experience it the way that you want to. I’ve also learned that the more positive energy I give at these events, the happier I am.
Lastly, I leave you with this funny, and pretty spot on list from BuzzFeed of 31 Signs You Are An Introvert.
How do you handle large group events? What are some tips and tricks for getting through them if you find them overwhelming?
I admit I am surprised to hear that you consider yourself an introvert. You seemed so comfortable chatting with others last weekend. Thanks for posting! You’ve encouraged me in so many ways already and I’ve only met you once!
I admit I am surprised to hear that you consider yourself an introvert. You seemed so comfortable chatting with others last weekend. Thanks for posting! You’ve encouraged me in so many ways already and I’ve only met you once!
heehee, yes, I surprise people that way. I also try to chat with people who look like they are like me and need someone to chat with for a minute to break the ice. But I almost always end up leaving a conversation thinking ‘how much of a dork did I sound like?’ 😉 Thank you for the kind words, I really appreciate it!!!
I could have written this to describe how I feel at conferences. Though, I also feel like I’m not using the networking opportunity to its full potential by sticking with the same people.
I sooo know what you mean about networking – and I do really try to branch out, mix it up etc. But sometimes, especially for meals for whatever reason, I take to my ‘comfort’ zone 😉 Thanks for commenting!
I totally relate to this post. We’ve met “deer in headlights” look before 😉 I’m also a natural introvert but I also try to push myself out of the shell for events and socializing. It’s hard to face the unfamiliar and sometimes in the end you leave surprised at how far you’ve come 🙂
HAHAHA Alyssa, we totally have – I’m also really good with the ‘awkward hug’ thing. I love meeting new people, especially those I’ve chatted with online, in person, but whoa, it’s hard some days!
I love this – I often feel exactly the same, even as my situational extroversion kicks in and I launch into high gear! Have you read Quiet by Susan Cain? An awesome read (the subtitle is ‘The Power of Introverts in a World that Won’t Stop Talking’). One of the big take-aways for me was that extroverts gain energy from engaging with others, while introverts feel drained by it. So I build extra re-charge time in when I’m travelling/conferencing — even a 10 minute walk can make a huge difference for me.
I haven’t read the book yet (what is wrong with ME!?) but she was a speaker at Blissdom last year and I loved the message. Don’t those little walks and moments make such a difference? Glad to know I’m not alone in that!
We seem very alike. While I love chatting and meeting new people I, too, get very nervous in a large crowd. I’m worried I won’t say the right things, will offend someone and quite often reflect back on a conversation wondering if it went well or if it was awkward on my part.
It’s comforting knowing I am not alone and that I am not the only one who takes comfort with familiar faces and sometimes stick close to the same people even when there are others I may want to chat with.
Thank you so much for sharing this!!!
This is so funny because when I wrote about Blissdom, I called it “An Introvert Goes To A Conference”! This weekend I finally read “The Happiness Project” by Gretchen Rubin, and one of her resolutions was to “be Gretchen”. I’m going to try to “be Kate” and not apologize for the fact that big crowds full of new people are actually not fun for me! Great post, and congrats on making the SavvyMom list!
Great Post Becky. Like you and a lot of the comments say we are not alone. A lot of us including myself feel that way. Within the first couple minutes of arriving at the conference I met Tracy and Delta and they became my conference buddies for the day. Having them to go from one session to another, sit at the same lunch table and talk at breaks all helped ease the nervousness of not knowing anyone else.
Thanks!! Yes finding a tribe of people, or one person, can really help break the ice. And often those relationships form online – there’s a real combination that works for me. I think that’s why I like Twitter – I can be super social, but quietly and cautiously at first 😉