Summer is officially here and I couldn’t be happier. Yes, the school year is definitely a good time for my kids to learn and have fun with friends and for me to get a lot more done than usual, but nothing beats the summer for me. Between the family travel time and the unplanned, unscheduled fun we end up having, the relaxing pace of the summer is where it’s at for this family.
It’s also the time when I become very reflective. I now have two school aged children. My daughter heads to JK in the fall and my son is in Grade 2. That number doesn’t seem very small. Expect a post each year about how I’m having a hard time believing my eldest is in grade 2, 4, 6 – whatever the number is, it will be the same sentiment.
However, a couple of months ago is when I really realized just how much older my little guy is getting. My first baby, the guy I hung out with alone each and every day for years until his sister came alone, is growing up. I accept that, I encourage that, but sometimes it tugs at my heart.
One day in May during school drop off, he said to me ‘can I walk alone to the door?’ when we got out of the car. The place where we park each day has a path leading to the side door where the Grade 1 classes line up before going in. Traditionally, his sister and I would park beside the path, all get out and walk him to the waiting area. He would go with his friends and we would stand back until he went in.
On this particular day though, he decided that he didn’t need me to walk him to the door area. He just needed a kiss goodbye and felt he wanted to walk in alone.
Despite the pain that sat in my heart, realizing that this was both a wonderful request for my once no-so-independent little boy, and a parental heart-crushing note for someone who has walked him to the door of his school for 3 years, I of course said yes. He was always still in my sight path anyway. So off he marched, each and every day thereafter, with the giant book bag looking smaller on his back each day.
I would get a hug and kiss goodbye and each morning stand on the sidewalk as he walked to his area. Sometimes, he would turn back and give an extra wave half way down the walkway. Sometimes he simply ran with gusto to his friends.
It’s in these moments that I realize how quickly time is going. How soon they grow up. When they ask for more and more independence each year, you encourage it as a parent, but a part of you always wants to hold on. You want to hold their hand right up to whatever door of life awaits them. But we can’t. And we don’t.
Instead, we give them a hug and a kiss and watch them march into what seems like a long walk goodbye each morning. Our hearts swell with a mix of sadness for what once was, and pride for who they are becoming.
Can you relate?
I can definitely relate. So well said. Sometimes I have the urge to hold on to their little hands and never let go. But we smile and wave so casually, our expressions never showing that our hearts feel squeezed. Thanks for this post Rebecca!
That was me all ‘ya, that’s cool pal. Awesome. For sure.’ Meanwhile, in my head I was ‘wahhh, what? why???’ 😉
I sure can relate! My little hims are 6, 9 and 11.. and I have watched us go from walks, to kisses, and now to fist bumps. Yes… fist bumps.. which we call ‘props’. But I am often reminded by the sparkle in my own mother’s eye when she looks at me even today that no matter how big they get, they’ll still remain my little hims.
They will always be little to us, won’t they? Which is the hard part 😉 Thanks for commenting Susan!
I really enjoyed reading this post and yes, I can relate. I still can remember experiencing pride tinged with a touch of sadness as my own two kids found their independence from little steps to big leaps. Now today, I’m watching my children experience this with my grandchildren and all the same emotions come back. We do all we can to help them find their own way in the world and when they do we are torn between giving them a little push forward and pulling them back a little 🙂
Thanks Paula. I love watching it and helping them grow but. Oh. Our hearts. So great you have that now with the grandchildren, even when it’s emotional!
I was looking into day camps for my daughter yesterday. Even though it’s just like preschool – a half day for one week – I feel teary. I don’t know why. I guess I thought she was too young.
I know that feeling. Especially with dd heading to JK. When did I get to this stage? It’s always these milestones – preschool, camp etc. that seem to set us off I think!