Editor’s note: *the following post is a guest post that I am welcoming as a public service announcement to further share resources for those in our community who may need it.
content warning: please note this post may be difficult for some as it discussed pregnancy and infant loss.
Thank you to Roger Neilson Children’s Hospice for sharing this with readers.
For more grief resources visit here
How to Heal After Pregnancy or Infant Loss
by Megan Wright, MScN, RN
Roger Neilson Children’s Hospice
Losing a baby, whether during pregnancy or after birth, is one of the most profound losses a person can experience. The grief that follows is complex, unique, and overwhelming. October 15th, Pregnancy & Infant Loss Awareness Day, reminds us that healing from such a loss is a deeply personal journey. While each family’s experience is different, there are steps that can help guide the process.
One of the most crucial steps is to acknowledge the loss and the emotions that accompany it, which can range from guilt and sadness to anger and confusion. Many parents find themselves questioning what went wrong, but it’s important to remember that these feelings are normal. One mother shared how people avoided talking about her loss, thinking it would upset her, but being asked about her baby made her feel like her child mattered. Grief cannot be silenced, and by acknowledging the loss, healing begins.
Another vital step is to sit with your grief. There’s often pressure to move on quickly, but grief isn’t something you “get over.” Instead, you learn to live with it. A helpful analogy is thinking of grief like a heavy suitcase—it never gets lighter, but you learn how to carry it. Giving yourself permission to feel the full extent of your loss, without rushing through the pain, is crucial in healing. For many, taking time to say goodbye or to connect with their baby in personal ways is essential to the grieving process.
Creating meaningful memories with your baby, no matter how brief your time together was, can also be a source of comfort. At Roger Neilson Children’s Hospice, we encourage families to engage in rituals that help them connect with their child. One father, for example, danced with his baby daughter after she passed, knowing he would never get to dance with her at her wedding. Such acts allow families to acknowledge their child’s importance and create lasting memories to sustain them through their grief.
Build a legacy
Honouring your child by building a legacy is another important aspect of healing. Some families create lasting traditions, like placing an ornament on the Christmas tree each year or holding birthday celebrations. One touching example is the fundraiser “Cara’s Kegger,” created by a family who lost their baby girl, Cara. This event not only keeps her memory alive but also raises funds to support other grieving families. By transforming their grief into something meaningful, parents ensure their child remains a “forever baby,” always part of their story.
Finally, seeking support is critical. Don’t hesitate to reach out for medical care, counseling, or community resources. Grieving parents face not only emotional pain but also the physical
aftermath of childbirth. At Roger Neilson Children’s Hospice, we offer comprehensive support for parents and extended family members, who often grieve in silence. For example, we’ve seen grandparents dealing with the compounded grief of losing both their grandchild and the experience of seeing their own child become a parent. Providing support to all family members helps them process their grief together.Healing after pregnancy or infant loss takes time and patience. But with the right support, the
opportunity to create meaningful memories, and space to honour your child’s life, families can find a way to move forward while keeping their child’s memory alive.
