When ‘Thank you’ is not enough

The whirlwind of my husband’s cancer diagnosis, surgery and all that’s been in between and thereafter has left us in shock at times, scared at times, and fighting for a greater good.  For the most part, however, we continue on our way raising our family, spending time together and enjoying the blessings we’ve been given.

When in those first few moments, hours, days of a diagnosis like this – shattering and scary as it was – you feel alone.  You know others have gone through it.  You probably even know them personally.  But now, you are in the bubble.  In a club no one wants to be a part of.  And it sucks.

But in our case, it didn’t take long to see through the bubble and into a light.  What was once foggy became clear as we were surrounded by friends, family and at time virtual strangers cheering us on and giving us strength.

Our families have been nothing but helpful.  Support.  Calls.  Watching the kids.  Cooking. Cleaning.  Anything and everything.  It is because of them that the kids have been fairly out of the loop and very happy still.

Friends have offered laughs, breaks and assistance.  Friends of mine who have brought meals, called to chat, had me and the kids over for a break, sent baskets of goodies and formed a ring of comfort has been overwhelming.  While I turn to my husband as my primary ‘friend’ source on a daily basis, in times like this, when I was shoved into this new role, my friends kept me grounded.  And happy.

And then something strange happened.  This world that I have surrounded myself in for the past year and a half – this virtual world made up of mostly words and a few chance meetings, and uncategorized friendships, reached out and gave us a hug. 

I mean a really big hug.  And cheers and high fives.

I kept the news a secret from that world for many days, until the surgery was happening so quickly and I felt like I needed to reach out.  To find others who were in a bubble.  To find a release.  And I did.

Hundreds of messages, DMs, emails came to me in those few days at the hospital.  Some from friends that I have come to chat with frequently.  Some from those who I didn’t even know were listening.  But they were. 

They continue to come.   Some days I speak a lot about it.  Others, I try to push it away.  But the support is always there. 

Tomorrow we have our meeting with the oncologist.  To see if the surgery got all the cancer.  To see what’s next. 

But we march forward with strength.  Drawn from family.  Drawn from friends.  And drawn from new friends with soft words.

Saying  ‘thank you’ is sometimes not enough.  In this case, that’s how I feel.  I don’t think my friends and family will know how grateful I am.  And I don’t think the stranger who reached out to me while waiting to hear how my husband’s surgery went will ever know how grateful I felt in that moment.  How relieved.

So thank you.  But that hardly feels like enough.