All summer I had September 6 in my head. When people asked when school started I said September 6. Everything was planned around it starting on Thursday, September 6. When we had a play date on Friday, I said to my friend “maybe we can do another early in the week before school”. My teacher-sister asked “why is it September 6? No one is starting September 6” and since she’s in a difference school board I said ‘well WE are. Hooray for us’.
Another friend of mine messaged me on Sunday and suggested we meet at the school on Tuesday to drop the kids off. I laughed and, because I’m a cocky smart a$$, messaged back ‘sure, if you mean Thursday’ snicker snicker snicker. My friend must be confused.
Then she messaged me back ‘um. Tuesday’.
I says pardon?
She sent me the school board link. September 4. I go to the school website (which I was JUST on to get drop off info). September 4.
My entire summer shrank in an instant. I lost 2 full days. My long weekend was going to merge right into the start of school. I may be prepared with all of my items purchased but I am in no way emotionally ready.
He starts grade 1 this year, and to add fuel to my poor mama heart fire, it’s the first time I will experience full days.
On top of missing him and making plans during the day with out him, I get to worry that he’s eating enough, and happy and learning and having fun. All when I can’t help guide him or console him.
Some will roll their eyes. I’m sure I’m a ‘helicopter’ mom somewhere to them. It’s not that I want him attached via leash to me. It’s that I will genuinely miss him. I know he’ll do well – but when? Right away? What if he’s sad?
When his heart breaks mine shatters.
I’ve been a stay at home mom with him for nearly 6 years. Most of my days are designed around each of my kids being with me. Where we go, when we do it. That’s all about to change.
So Thursday would have been nice. Instead, I wake up tomorrow with a grade 1 guy. Yes, he seems prepared and happy and ready. He’s anxious to go, ready to see his friends and since we don’t talk about our worries around him he seems pretty oblivious to what’s ahead.
Meanwhile, I’m a mess. Everything is about to change. Yes, I know he’ll be fine. Yes, logically I know he’s not the first kid to do this and I will be fine. I have no doubt my days will be plenty busy and my daughter and I will continue having our own adventures.
But no one prepares us as parents for letting go of our kids, even if in some small way. I’m not prepared. And truthfully? I wouldn’t have been prepared come Thursday either.
