Today, May 23, Andy and I are celebrating 15 years of marriage. It feels like a big number, and yet, it feels like time has flown by in many ways.
A couple of kids later, job changes, major illness, a house that we have made our home for 15 years as well, and plenty of lessons along the way, I couldn’t imagine this time with anyone else.
I’ve written in celebration of our anniversary before, and have indicated that I can’t really pin point the secret to a lasting marriage because I’m realistic enough to not pretend I’m in one of the romance novels that I read and always have a happy ending.
But so far, our journey has been been full of heart, love and I think I can currently safely say that we are both happy.
If I could be a little extra gushy for a moment, Andy has been the person I’ve turned to for over 15 years, in good and bad, and who’s presence alone gives me peace. It’s a powerful thing for another human being to have that much influence on me, I get that can also be a scary scenario, but I can’t tell you the amount of comfort I get from knowing he’s by my side.
As the years have gone by, we’ve learned a few key lessons I think that have helped us grow together.
Here are some things about marriage I’ve learned over the years that I think has contributed to our happiness.
Communication is key
This may seem like a no brainer, but the fact is that communicating is so crucial. This means sharing the good, the bad and the ugly. It means not holding in feelings because you fear hurting the other person, but you have to open up or else you’ll build resentment.
Communication should come from a place of kindness.
There are times when you have to pick your battles, but don’t step away from something you believe in or need the other person to know if it is important to you.
And yes, communication is also important in the bedroom. It’s way more fun that way.
Don’t be mean and fight fair
One thing that I’ve noticed over the years is our ability as a couple to fight fairly. We aren’t mean to each other, even if we are super frustrated. We keep our words honest but not malicious and we don’t say things we regret or that can hurt the other. That helps and does make a difference. We also give each other space to cool off rather than pushing into more of a fight.
Make time for each other
You may already know about my sacred Wine Fridays, a tradition we started when we first had a newborn. Friday night after work remains our catch up night. Over a couple of glasses of wine, we reconnect, usually on the couch while the kids play (or slept when they were little) and no matter how busy the week is, we know we’ll come back together then to connect.
Be yourself
I was 21 years old when we started dating, and while I am still ME after all of these years, I know that I’m not the same 21 year old I was then (as expected). And my growth, both of our growth as humans, has been a welcome addition to our relationship. We are better people, and our own selves, but we’ve grown together and respect who the other person is.
Laugh
Look, this is a big one for us. If we can’t be silly, or laugh together, then all of the hard stuff feels heavier. Besides, I’m hilarious, he can’t help but laugh.
Happy Anniversary Andy. Here’s to many more years of laughter and love.
