Since about January, I kept sitting down to write an update about how things were going at the time. The fact that I haven’t been able to really do one speaks to how the past six or so months have essentially been – a slow crawl.
In January, after a relaxing, although unusually quiet, Christmas break for the four of us (since we weren’t travelling or having our usual family gatherings), we headed back to work and school. Only this time, as the new year started, the colder temperatures meant our previous outdoor hang outs (and our only form of socialization with others) were mostly gone.
Although the kids had more of an online school routine at this time, the days were dark in more ways than one. We were tired, managing as best we could with our favourite take out, family game time, the joy of Disney+ and their new Marvel shows, and video calls with friends and family. But admittedly, the winter dragged on and as we left March, I felt it had been the hardest part of the entire pandemic.
While we kept seeing more and more vaccines arrived (and our parents received them by the end of March), it was impossible not to feel dismay as schools closed and March Break turned into April Break which also saw some of the highest case counts in Ottawa ever. It felt scary. The best analogy I saw online was that every time we thought we saw the light at the end of the tunnel, it turned out to be another train.
By the end of April, we were fairing better. School was going to wrap up. Andy and I got our first vaccine (AZ – which came with it’s own media communications issues but we had zero regrets and were happy to get vaccinated!). And the weather turned nicer.
Eventually, as June arrived, more outdoor gatherings returned (an important element for our family to be able to see family and friends since we weren’t going indoors with others), school ended (a long, arduous journey for the kids at times, made doable only in thanks to their own perseverance and amazing teachers), and the kids themselves got their vaccine.
Now, July has been brighter. Although Andy and I are working during the day (he usually takes the summer off, and I have more flexibility, but this year we are both feeling the work weight), we are enjoying park visits and fun, and are making plans to travel in Ontario to see Grandma and family.
My update doesn’t have a lot to offer. No great words of wisdom or some personal discovery I’ve made. I didn’t learn how to make a sour dough starter or take up a new hobby. I didn’t buy a Pelaton. I did binge watch some TV!
But this update is just to capture this point in time. We have been ok. We know in many ways we got through this past year together with privilege and the health that not all were afforded. We still had jobs, had the option to do online school, and remained as comfortable as we could. That’s not to say it was easy. I think physically and mentally our health had challenges and we are working through that.
At one point in the winter, I felt ‘broken’. It was the only way to describe it. The weight of worry for my family, for the community, was heavy. Work felt like a burden, not a creative escape it once was. I wasn’t sleeping well. Everything felt hard. Writing was hard. Planning meals was hard. Reading and watching tv was hard. I walked through that time like I was crawling through molasses. It wasn’t until I read the term ‘languishing’ that I finally yelled ‘yes!’ at my screen. The accompanying New York Times article about it described exactly what I was feeling.
Along the way, I chatted with my family and doctor. We all kept open conversations about how we were doing and what we could all do to get through the toughest times. That communication and togetherness was everything for us.
And things have been better, the extra outdoor time, social interactions and the family unit that we are have all contributed to finding some joy again.
Even with a household of 100% vaccinated people, we are taking things slow. We are cautious for those in our lives who can’t get the vaccine because they are too young etc. We need schools to be open, and my own kids will go in person come September.
However, the vaccination does mean that we will have some normalcy back. Visiting outside (and potentially inside) with family without the added stress. Travelling in Ontario without second guessing when we stop somewhere as needed. We will turn this summer into another one that is filled with love and memories as best we can.
We are all feeling better in many ways, excited to be have summer holidays upon us, happy to get outside and make actual plans again.
In all of this, I have noticed strength in our family unit and have grown to only appreciate it even more. I don’t know if my children know how much they’ve given up, and have giving us; how much they are helping their own family and community.
This update isn’t a conclusion, I know this isn’t all over. But I did want to reflect on this time. Even if it took me a long time to write about it.
